


You're Real?

by milkytheholy1



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Romantic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, parks and recreation - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:40:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24445219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkytheholy1/pseuds/milkytheholy1
Summary: Request: He's dating the reader and no one believes him and is surprised when she's real and normal.
Relationships: jean ralphio/reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	You're Real?

**Author's Note:**

> Requested by: Sebruddo3

Jean Ralphio X Reader Oneshot

Request: He's dating the reader and no one believes him and is surprised when she's real and normal.

Requested by: Sebruddo3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Heeeey what's up Big T how's it hanging, just kidding I know it's hanging low, am I right or what?!" Jean Ralphio shouted as he waltzed into the Parks and Rec department. He strolled past all the irritated faces to meet his best friend Tom, who was high fiving and fist-pumping Jean Ralphio with a little less of the pizzaz Jean had. Leslie decided that as the kind-spirited and welcoming person she was to greet Jean Ralphio back into the department, no matter how many times he had been kicked out of it. With a warm smile, Leslie extended her hand out to shake Jean Ralphio's, "Jean Ralphio-"

"Yeah right here, leave a message after the beep...Beeeeeep." He vigorously shook Leslie's hand, smiling from ear to ear. Leslie forcefully pulled her hand away from his grip shaking her hand to feel the blood in her veins again, she looked down at her white hand slowly going pinkish again "Jeez you have a strong grip."

"Yeah well I work out at a really expensive gym with my dad's stoolleenn mooooonnnneeeeyyy~" he sung the last bit, Leslie stared at Jean Ralphio just blinking at his utter stupidity. Tom quickly took charge of the conversation swatting Leslie away "So Jean Ralphio what're you doing here?" Jean leaned against Tom's desk rather confidently "Yeah well, you know, yeah" he started to twiddle with his thumbs and pull at his collar "It's just I'm taking my girlfriend out to dinner to meet my parents and I'm kinda nervous, but it's nothing alcohol can't fix, I'm pretty sure I'm an alchooohoollliccc~"

"What? You have a girlfriend?" Tom asked in utter disbelief, Jean looked at him puzzled "Er of course I do, I mean, have you looked me how could I not have a girlfriend?" He moved away from the desk and spun around in a circle showcasing his purple stitch embodied blazer and black skinny jeans, his hair was sticking up like usual and he was aiming his watch into the sunlight to increase its shine; even if it did blind Larry when he first entered the department. "Wait you have a girlfriend?" April asked from her desk near Ron's office, obviously she was eavesdropping but what else are you meant to do in this place, work?

"Aw I'm sorry angel dust but you take too long you lose the dong." April rolled her eyes "Ah what a shame, my heart is now breaking and will continue to break into a million tiny pieces which will then be eaten by starving crows." Jean Ralphio strolled up to her desk and leaned down to her face before backing off a little when he heard some sort of growl "Don't worry, I have that effect on the ladiezzz."

"Oh god, is there a bee in here or something? I heard a buzz." Ben asked as he walked into the Parks department only to be greeted by Jean Ralphio. Jean ran at Ben with open arms and embraced him "Jelloshot!" He lifted Ben off of the ground and spun around, Ben being Ben, of course, begged him to put him down and continued to complain about how uncomfortable that made him and how inappropriate it was to do at work. "Jean Ralphio has a girlfriend? What!?" Andy shouted from April's desk, he looked surprised as he faced the camera (Only time anyone will look at the camera btw) "Andy shhhh." April hit his leg and smirked, not really bothered about it.

Ben looked worried at the mention of someone similar to Jean Ralphio and his sister, Leslie shared the same look yet turned to Jean and smiled nonetheless. "Wow Jean Ralphio what's her- what's her name?" Everyone waited for some exotic sound that would most likely be made up, instead he said: "(Y/N)." Donna made a disapproving hum from her side of the room "No that's too normal for you, unless, she's not real?" Jean Ralphio put a hand to his chest and looked pained "Donna baby-"

"Don't call me that."

"Donna, how could you do that to me? I thought we were club buddies."

"I'm not your friend twinkle toes." Jean Ralphio looked defeated but that quickly washed away. Ron entered the room, most likely from all the commotion, "What is going on in here?" he demanded, hands-on-hips. Jean's eyes widened as he approached Ron, he was lingering around Ron's shoulders. Ron tried to step away from the tall child but Jean kept around his personal bubble, invading his space; something Ron didn't appreciate. Leslie looked excited to see Ron, although she always did, marching up to him she looked him in the eyes "Jean Ralphio has a girlfriend." Ron too looked shocked as they both moved their gaze to Jean Ralphio who was now trying to beat Andy in a dance-off.

Ron walked over to Jean and placed a hand on his shoulder, something he never did, "Listen, son, you having a girlfriend is like saying Larry is good at his job." As mentioned Larry popped his head up from his desk "Hey, I thought I did a good job." he looked around the room to see if anyone agreed with him but they didn't. Larry looked down disappointed while April laughed "Haha Larry's sad." her tone showing no sign of emotion. Jean Ralphio turned his attention away from the 'Fat guy' and back to 'Mustache Magee'. He jabbed his finger into Ron's chest before squeaking out a small "sorry sir" and pranced over to the front desk, he majestically spun around "What? No, c'mon look at me. I have a girlfriend."

"Son, you look like you came from a clown's funeral, for god sake wear some normal clothes," Ron said now trying to avoid eye contact with Jean. Jean Ralphio clapped his hands "That's a good one- that's a yeah" he sounded deflated. Leslie walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder encouragingly "Well, Jean Ralphio why don't you just show us your girlfriend tomorrow?"

"You really mean that?" he asked like a little kid, Leslie hummed and nodded along, releasing a "yep" from her tight lips. Jean bounced up and down cheering "Hell yeah, you guys are going to love her she's just like meeeeeeeeeeee~" A small herd of cheers surrounded the room. And just like that Jean Ralphio left the room playing ' I'm Sexy And I Know It' from his phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Next Day ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The office was quiet, peaceful, deserted one might say. A content sigh left the lips of Ron Swanson as he sipped his American made coffee, staring out of his office blinds at the empty desks that lay bare before him. He always enjoyed these quiet mornings alone just before everyone got in, so serene, so tranquil, so-

RING RING... RING RING

Ron grumbled under his breath, it's fine it will stop in a few seconds.

RING RING... RING RI-

Ah, there it goes, cut off to the machine. Ron sighed again and continued to sip his coffee, the office silent again. As time passed more people came into the office, ignoring Ron or giving him a quick "hello" to which he would respond with a curt nod. He sat in his office surrounded by mines and breakfast food, happy as can be. He has probably never been calmer than he is no-

RING RING... RING RING

Ron shot up from his chair, his face red and eyes slightly bulging "For GOD SAKE will someone get that damn phone!" he yelled banging his hands on his desk. Leslie picked up the phone laying next to April, sending her an annoyed expression, "Hello and welcome to the parks and recs department, I'm Leslie Knope what can I do you for?" she smiled. "Oh, but why can't you, no I'll understand. You want me to say what? What no I am not- You put it where? How did you even- just get in here already!" Leslie rushed into the phone before putting it back down. She moved to the middle of the room and gathered everyone around, she lifted up Larry's coffee mug and pulled out a small, crumpled piece of paper with words written in crayon.

"Everyone, I would like to present to you: the amazing, totally sexy, smart, cunning, dastardly hand- dastardly handsome?"

"just read it." came a whisper from the department door, Leslie huffed continuing "Ladies and even sexier ladies, please put your hands together for Jean Ralphio and his incredibly hot, smokin' hot, flamin' Cheeto hot girlfriend: (Y/N)." Leslie shook her head at the note but looked up towards the door and clapped along with Andy, Larry and Tom. Jean Ralphio burst through the door 'It's Tricky' now playing through his speakers. "What iz up my wrecking creeew!" he ran around the office trying to high-five people, emphasis on trying.

However, everyone's attention was drawn to the girl coming from behind him. She was absolutely beautiful. Her (H/C) hair seemed to flow in the air-conditioning breeze, skin smooth and flawless, smile bright and beautiful. She dressed smart and had a clear sense of fashion compared to her partner, she couldn't be dating Ralphio she's just too normal. She spoke like an angel "Sorry about him, we went to Dunkins' before we came here, he got a little excited in the car ride." She spoke as though she was referring to a child. Leslie stared at her, much like everyone else, (Y/N) felt awkward from all the eye contact and shrivelled in on herself slightly.

Leslie suddenly snapped back into reality and went to grab (Y/N)'s hand "

Sorry, it's great to meet you! You're actually real!" she sounded so in disbelief. You gave her a puzzled look but laughed it off due to nerves. Jean Ralphio came back to you and wrapped his arm around your shoulder "Well, what did I say? Told you losers I had a girlfriend." He sounded smug (Y/N) could pick it up in his voice. Ron stepped forward a worried look in his eyes "He isn't keeping you hostage is he?" You shook your head 'no', "He hasn't taken your family hostage?" You shook your head again, "He hasn't taken anyone hostage as he?" You laughed it off and ignored Ron's strange behaviour.

"I just can't believe it, man," Tom said, dumbfounded. He went over to Jean and shook his hand "How'd you do it?" Jean leaned close to his friend's ear, still holding his hand, "Listen, Big T, pity and begging takes you to a lot of places; like having seeeeex with a really hot laaaadyy~" the two high-fived and brushed each other's shoulders in some weird handshake they created. (Y/N) walked over to Jean and rested her chin on his shoulder, she had to stand on her tip-toes just to reach. "Babe, if we want to make it on time we need to leave now," you stated smart and time-conscious perfect best-friend material Leslie thought.

Jean Ralphio shook his head vigorously. (Y/N) took Jean's hand and wrapped her dainty fingers around his much larger ones, gently instructing him outside of the building and into her car. They sat in the car, Jean silently waiting for (Y/N) to start it. He looked over at her to see a slight nervousness to her actions, he reached over and placed a hand on her face "Hey babe are you alright?" it was as soft as a whisper. (Y/N) nodded her head and let out a little laugh "Yeah, I'm fine I just- Do you think your friend's liked me?"

"Wha- OF COURSE they do, how could they not, erm hellloooo~ you're beautiful and amazing and so much more." (Y/N) smiled and kissed Jean's cheek a blush forming around his nose. (Y/N) started the car and smiled "C'mon let's go to that dinner and show your parents that I am the greeeateest giirrrlllfriieeend eveerrr~"


End file.
